We Run From Pain

“Something terrible happens, we blame ourselves, and we don’t want to feel it, so we run. We run from joy, too because we think we don’t deserve happiness. But it’s a package deal. There is no joy without pain.”

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

For some of you who are new my blog, one of my favourite shows is Grey’s Anatomy. I can binge watch that show for days on end. In fact, I have countless times.

As of lately I have been feeling sad. In fact, I’ve been mostly sad these days. I’ve been trying my best to cheer myself up.

This was a quote that Meredith says to Teddy about how Teddy is always running from her pain. And that when happy things happen to her, she feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Which I can 100% relate to. This year has been unbearable and challenging at times. I feel like I have been running away from my problems. But that is a never ending race. We will never be able to run away from our problems. They will keep on reappearing in our lives until we learn we are needed to learn in the first place. The problem with feelings is they demand to be felt.

I keep on reminding myself that there will come a time that the pain I had to encounter is going to transfer into something so beautiful and joyous. We just got to keep on believing in ourselves and we’ll see it for ourselves. Our battles and problems will turn us into warriors, we just can’t let them ruin us, or bring us down. If we let our situations belittle us, may we continue to raise to the occasion. Like my Grandpa always said; “Time waits for no one.”.

We think we don’t deserve happiness or joy, but we actually do deserve it. We work so hard, and feel like there isn’t time to truly experience bliss. We are too busy to let these positive emotions in. But we should really be setting aside time for happiness.

When we feel pain, just know that joy is soon to follow. We just have to trust the universe.

A Year in My Life

I wish I could say that this past year has been easy, but truthfully it has been the most extricating, difficult year that I had went through in a very long time. I have experience the loss of many things and people. My world fell apart like a supernova. It all began when my Grandpa passed away last March. His passing broke me, I remember spending days curled up in my bed, crying, and being sad for days on end. I have been replaying a lot of our memories in my head. I have a lot of pictures that I look at when I miss him.

He truly was an amazing person. Everyone loved him and he was everyone’s best friend. He is so missed, but he is forever in my heart. I think about him all of the time.

I had tried taking on a retail job. I have normally just done jobs in the food industry, so it was difficult in the beginning. After months, I have been managing just fine. I have worked a few retail jobs before, so I have been using the skills to my new job. I have actually met some really nice people there. It was a hard adjustment, but now I feel like I can get in the swing of things.

And then unfortunately I experienced another loss when my aunt passed away a few months ago. I miss her so much. I feel bad because I haven’t had many chances to see her recently since the whole covid situation. She passed away so unexpectedly. I always wished I was able to spend more time with her before she passed away. But unfortunately that is life. We all have one last day with everyone, we just never know when that might happen. That is why it is important to stay in touch with the people that matter the most. It should also reinforce us to be kind to each other, since we don’t know what our last words may be to someone.

And another loss that I faced last year, was when my boyfriend and I broke up. We still talk from time to time, we don’t hate each other. We are able to be civil about it.

So this explains why I haven’t been that active in the blog universe.

Although the one good thing about last year is that I was able to reconnect with one of my friends from many years ago. I am happy that the universe decided to bring someone that can bring joy in my life despite taking away people. That is the universe’s way of taking the good with the bad.

After all of the losses I had suffered last year, I truly hope that 2022 is the year for me. Things aren’t exactly perfect right now. But I pray for guidance, and for the strength to not allow myself to stay broken. I will try to rebuild myself so I can come back stronger than ever. My life has been so messy and complicated right now, but what matters is how I rebuild myself after these losses. I have big goals for myself. I am excited for all of the things I have planned to do this year. Of course, I would be documenting my goals and dreams on my blog. I do wish to blog more again.

I truly miss all of you. I hope everyone has been doing well. I appreciate any words of feedback, love and prayers. I will try to get back to everyone who comments. Thank you again for understanding.

Day 81

Hey everyone! I’m just trying to catch up with everything! I’ve missed everyone, and I hope that everyone is doing well.

Every day (or at least) I’m trying to get back into the habit of writing a lesson or something that I have learned and share my wisdom with everyone. I often feel like I have encountered a lot of wisdom from various people and experiences throughout my life.

This is from Monday March 22nd.

Something that I have learned, the hard way, may I add… Is that everything in life is only temporary. So if you are going through hard times today, don’t be so hard on yourself. It just means that things can only go up from here, and things won’t always be this way forever. And unfortunately, when things are going really well, enjoy it, because not everything can last forever. Alas this doesn’t just imply for the events in our lives, it also works for our loved ones. Lots of people will come and go throughout our lives. Whether they move away, or pass away, we must not take them for granted. Instead we should learn to cherish these moments shared with your family and friends.

Today, I will realize that everything in life is only temporary. So I shouldn’t get too angry or upset when I am going through hardships, because nothing lasts forever. And I must remember to pause and reflect on the good times, too, because alas, everything in life is temporary, and things can change on a dime. I should enjoy the good times, and learn from the bad times and the lessons they teach me.

Day 80

This lesson is from Sunday March 21st.

Something that is important to me, is to make sure I keep my promises to people, but also to myself as well. This life lesson was reinforced to me at my Grandpa’s epilogue. He has made an importance that we kept our promises. There are things that I have promised myself. I have goals and dreams that I would love to achieve. I don’t want to let myself down, so I am continuing to work hard to ensure that I achieve all of the goals I have for myself.

I hope that there are promises that you are able to keep to yourself and other people, too. It’s important to show that you take accountability for your actions. It shows that you are responsible and credible. It is an important skill to have as an employee, friend, and a family member.

Today, I will try my best to show that I am accountable by keeping my promises to everyone, and to myself. It is important that I don’t let anyone down by not staying true to my word.

Day 79

I have been spending a lot of time reading Melody Beattie’s The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditation on Codependency, and I have become inspired to write my own daily meditation to inspire others. Which is what inspired to write these daily writing ideas. I think it is a wonderful idea to help people shift their mindsets about various life paths. Maybe people had bad days and need to believe in themselves again. I write about life lessons I have either learned that day, or I have learned at some point in my life. Mind you things that I have learned, may work for some, but not for everyone, and that is okay! Sometimes people may or may not like what I write about, and that’s okay, too! Take what you like, and leave the rest is something that I like to live by as well.

This is from Saturday March 20th.

Something I have learned from my Grandpa was that we have the ability to live the lives we are destined to live. We are always one decision away from a completely different life. The power doesn’t have to belong to anyone else, but ourselves. We can ask people for advice, but at the end of the day, the power to decide and to act on these decisions is left in our hands. We are the ones that actually walk down these paths, no one else can walk this journey for us. We have the power to do anything we want. We can change our career paths, we can start a new chapter in our lives, and so much more.

Today, I will seek advice from others, and research ideas of how to make the changes I want in my life. I will understand that the power to make these changes are within me. I don’t necessarily need anyone else’s opinions to change my life. It’s up to me to decide what is best for me. There isn’t anything I cannot do, for the world is filled with many opportunities. I am more than capable of seizing anything I want to achieve for myself.

Day 78

This is from March the 19th.

I enjoy looking back throughout my day and realizing the lessons I have learned, or reflecting on what I have already learned throughout my life.

Something that I have learned is to never take anything for granted, instead you should be grateful for everything. Even when things aren’t working out for you the way you had hoped. You can take those hardships and you can learn a lot of things that you might have missed if you weren’t held a not so great hand of things. In some cases, failure and hardships can teach you more things than success ever will.

You should try your best to make every moment count for something. Never take things for granted, appreciate everything you have in life, even the bad. Go out there and make the most of everything your life has to offer. Keep on going strong, and don’t let any roadblocks stop you from reaching all of your goals.

Today, I will do my best to make every day, and every moment count. I will learn to take the good with the bad. I will try my best to not give up. I must keep on working towards my goals, and everything that life has offer.

Day 77

This is from Thursday March 18th.

Within the week of my Papa’s passing, we had a funeral for him. It was a lovely and beautiful service. I miss him and love him so much. I just wished we had more memories towards the end. Only because the final year of his life was spent in lockdown, so we couldn’t visit him. I feel like if I was able to see him during his final year, I wouldn’t feel so sad.

Something that my Papa always lived by, was to devote your time into your passions. Find what you are passionate about and spend your time working on them. It really encourage me to devote my time to spend time brainstorming and writing down some book ideas. My lifelong dream is to be a published author. I would love to be my own boss, and just write books. I have been planning on getting all caught up with the things I am behind in, like reading my library books, my blog, and just rearranging things in my room.

It is important to spend a bit of time every day to work on your goals and passions. Even if it’s just five minutes, it will be five minutes more than what you would have spent on your dreams if you didn’t.

Today, I will discover what my passions, and what I would like to accomplish in the upcoming weeks, months, or even years, depending on what your goal is. Once I have decided on what I want to achieve in my life, I would devote a little bit of time every day to achieve all that I would like to achieve.

Day 76

This is a lesson from Wednesday March 17th, 2021.

What bothers me is that my mom is convinced that she is able to accomplish more by doing some many things at once. But I disagree. I rather like to focus on one thing at a time. Like she would be reading the newspaper while watching TV, or she would paint her nails while she watches her shows. To me, I like things to be simple. So I like to do one thing at a time.

I feel like if we don’t focus on just one thing at a time, we no longer stay in the moment of what we are actually doing. To me, multi-tasking is a lie. I feel like the more we spend time doing more than one thing, than we aren’t being mindful. And then because you weren’t focusing on the task at hand, you think, did I do this? Did I remember to lock the door?

When you are working on a task, you should just pour your passion and stamina into that task. Don’t let anything else lose your concentration, or distract you from what you are working on.

Today, I will only work on one task at a time. It is important for our brains to focus on one task at a time. If we multitask than we not only jumble our thoughts and emotions, but we also lose our ability to mindful about the task at hand.

Day 75

This lesson is from Tuesday March 16th.

I recommend that everyone spends some time in nature. Getting fresh air, and letting the sun embrace you is so good for our health. The sun gives us a lot of vitamins that helps improve our immune system. It also helps lift our spirits, and helps us feel better. I love spending time outside. I am so happy that warmer weather is almost here. I enjoy reading on our front porch with a cup of tea. I feel like it calms me down, and helps me feel better.

The best part is if you are busy, and don’t have a lot of spare time, that’s okay, because you don’t need to spend a lot of time outside in order to gain all of the benefits. In fact, spending too much in the sun, especially without sunscreen, can increase your risk of developing skin cancer. So if you plan on spending a lot of time outside, I suggest that you wear a hat, and that you continue to reapply sunscreen that way you are protected from the sun rays.

Today, I will ensure that I spend some time outside to allow the sun to give me many healthy vitamins. Spending a bit of time outside will help me feel better and healthy.

Day 74

This lesson is from Monday March 15th.

Something that I have learned over the years is that it is important to express gratitude as much as you possibly can. Learning to be grateful is such a blessing. I love starting and ending my days with what I am thankful for. There may be days when we don’t have much to be thankful for, but we actually do.

It’s important to find the silver lining in a lot of different situations. Many of you may not have known this but I was hit by a car almost a year and a half ago. I am so thankful that nothing bad happened to me. I only suffered a few bruises on me. I have no long term deficits. I am so thankful for that. I realize that my life could have been so different if something bad had happened to me.

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you’ll never have enough.”

-Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Winfrey also recommends that we have a gratitude journal, where we spend some time throughout the week writing down things we are thankful for.

Today, I will try to spend time thinking or even writing the things that I am grateful for. It is important for me to express gratitude because it improves my self esteem, makes me happier and overall more healthier. I don’t have to spend a great big deal of time, but as long as I spend some time thinking about what I am thankful. I will try my best to make it a habit.