Talking Out Loud

Every week, I like to focus and write about simple ways that help lift us into better mood, that doesn’t require much energy or money. I call it Feel Good Fridays. I like to think that can help others.

What helped me get through my Grandpa’s stay at the hospital, was talking about my feelings with my aunts, and uncles. We shared a lot of our memories. I also talked about my feelings with my friends, too.

Whatever you are going through right now, it’s best to talk to someone you love and trust. If you aren’t able to talk to someone, you can always write about your feelings, too. I was thinking about setting up an email for my blog. So if you didn’t have anyone to talk to, I can be your person. I will keep you posted about that.

When I was younger, I didn’t really have many people to share my feelings with, so I often kept my feelings bottled up. I only had my journal to write about my feelings, and goals. So I have learned that it is important to release your feelings to someone you trust, and or love.

I felt a lot of sadness when my Grandpa had passed away. But I felt fortunate enough to have people that I can talk to about my feelings. I haven’t lost anyone this close to me before, so it was really hard to process my feelings, it still kind of is. But at the same time, I was so blessed to have all of these memories with him. I was fortunate enough to have said my goodbyes to him, not everyone gets that opportunity.

I also feel fortunate that I have a good support system, and my many friends in this blog universe. I appreciate everyone for the love and support.

Day 71

This lesson is from Friday March 12th.

At this time, my Grandpa was in the hospital. He had a heart condition. Unfortunately because of the covid protocols, my sister and I weren’t allowed to see him in the hospital, but with the help from my uncle, we were able to FaceTime. Throughout the week, he was becoming less and less responsive, since his doctors put on sedatives. My Dad was planning on visiting him on the weekend, but because his health was declining, I had suggested that my Dad to say his goodbyes today, rather than waiting until the weekend. My sister and I were able to FaceTime him, and we were able to chat together, reflecting on all of the good memories.

The key thing is our family is everything. I know that they are people who have strained relationships with either their parents, or siblings, or aunts, or uncles, or whoever else. Try your best to make amends with them, if that’s what you want. I know that might be hard to do, depending on the reason why you aren’t speaking, or have grudges against them. But if something were to happen to you, or this person, would you want to be forgiven? Or would you want to forgive them? Ask yourself those questions. And if you are okay, without seeking forgiveness, than you don’t need to make amends with them.

But if you would rather work on things, and forgive each other, than I suggest that you find a way to forgive one another. I know that things may be difficult to make amends. There are still options, you can mail them a letter, an email, FaceTime them, etc.

Family can leave us when we least expect them to. So we should acknowledge our family members whenever we can. Sometimes family is all we have.

Today, I will try my best to reach to someone in my family. Family may be all that I have, so I should embrace everyone while they are still here. I wouldn’t want to regret and miss out on any visits with them. Or in this case because of the pandemic, we can FaceTime them, or just call them. Or even just mail them a letter if I can.

Thankful Thursdays #37 – March 11th, 2021

This was an emotional week for me. It basically broke me. But I was able to see the silver lining in it. I hope that everyone is doing well, and that whatever everyone may be going through that they can see the silver lining, too.

Feel free to write what you are thankful for in a journal, or some electronic document. Or you can talk about it among your trusted circle, or just spend some time reflecting it upon yourself.

Here is my list…

  1. I am very thankful that I got to “see” (I use quotation marks, because it wasn’t in person, like we normally do) him in the hospital.
  2. I am happy that my sister invited me over so I was able to see him.
  3. As much as it hurts, my Grandpa being in the hospital brought our family closer together.
  4. I am grateful that I have a supportive boyfriend to help me go through this difficult time.
  5. I appreciate my followers for being so patient and supportive during these days.

Thank you for all of your kind words. It means the world to me.

Orange Pekoe Tea

Many of you may not know this, but growing up my Grandpa used to make everyone Orange Pekoe tea for all that would visit him. It was always delicious. In fact that was what has made me love tea.

I brought out my spring and summer mugs. I finally put away my winter and Christmas mugs.

I make my Orange Pekoe tea the way my Grandpa would make it for us.

My boyfriend bought me this mug a few years ago.

Day 68

This lesson is from Tuesday March 9th.

I was at my sister’s house for the day, watching my niece. With so many people’s birthdays approaching, I thought it would be fun for my niece and myself to make some crafts for everyone! It was my niece’s Grandma’s birthday, then it was my sister’s birthday, and then a family friend’s birthday.

I traced my niece’s hands and made them into various things. For her Grandma, we made each of her hands into flowers. And then for my sister, we made them into elephants. And for our family friend we just traced her hands. And we added a cute quote. Everyone loved her work of art!

During that time my Grandpa was in the hospital, which made me feel really sad. But helping my niece with her presents to everyone, that cheered me up a bit. It was a nice distraction.

Today, I will try to do something that allows me to give back to others, whether it’s through crafts, or giving someone my time, it would help me distract myself from my own feelings of despair. Sometimes b giving something to others, we are able to forget our own feelings for a bit. Maybe by helping others, or just being there, we are able to cheer ourselves up, too.

Heart Broken

I am so sorry for my absence on my blog. Last week, my Dad had sent me a message, telling me that my Grandpa (his Dad) has died. He has been in the hospital a few days before he had passed away. It was not Covid related.

He had a bad heart, but that never stopped him from loving everyone. Everyone was his best friend. He was my best friend my whole life. I feel really sad that he is no longer on earth with me. But I know that he will be looking down on me.

I have been trying to not let the sadness bring me down. But some days it is harder than others. My Papa has been having a hard year with his heart. And that he was sad that not too many people have been able to visit him. Where I live, in order to protect the elderly members a lot of the retirement homes can no longer have any visitors, and the residents that lived there, weren’t allowed to leave the retirement home. The Grandpa I knew was he was always moving and liked to keep myself busy. So for him not to be able to interact with everyone, was challenging on him.

My Dad had told me that it wasn’t looking too good for him. I was so sad, because I just kept on hoping that he would get better, so he could go back home. Because he was only allowed to be visited by his children, and grandchildren weren’t allowed to see him. We were still fortunate enough to have said our goodbyes via FaceTime with one of my uncles. I haven’t seen him in a year because of the Covid protocols. I was blessed to have visited my Grandparents the weekend before everything closed. During that visit I didn’t want to leave, because I had a feeling that it might have been the last time seeing him. I had a feeling because I knew it was only a matter of time before all of the retirement homes get placed under lockdown.

It’s been a difficult month, with trying to accept the loss of my Grandpa. It’s been challenging to accept that he is gone. The world feels so different without him here on Earth. He was a loving man. I just wished I got to make more memories with him. We missed out on a lot of memories during his final year, birthdays, BBQ’s, Christmas, and many visits. He lived a long, beautiful life. He got to be there for his family, and see his Grandchildren grow up. He even got to meet his Great Grandchildren. Not everyone gets that blessing. He was three months away for his 91st birthday.

Luckily we were able to have a funeral for him to honour the great man that he was. I feel so glad to have had you in my life for as long as I had. I’m almost 27, not too many of my friends have their Grandparents at that age, most of the people I knew from school had to deal with this during elementary days. I can’t even imagine to feel that burden.

Two weeks ago, my best friend, and one of my Gemini twins became my Guardian Angel.

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye to so hard?”-A.A. Minnie, Winnie the Pooh

I feel so fortunate that we were able to have so many years together, filled with so many wonderful memories. You were the best Grandpa anyone could have asked for.

I always get told that I look so much like you, and I love that I can see a resemblance of you in myself.

I thought that sitting on your lap was always the best seat in the house. It made me feel happy and safe being wrapped around your arms. We would tell each other stories, and we would make each other laugh all the time.

I remember that time you bought all of my back to school supplies, as well as my sister’s supplies, too. I was going to start grade one, and my sister was going to start the fourth grade. I wanted to have all of the fancy supplies that my sister was getting, like all of those cool binders, rulers, calculators, highlighters, pencil crayons, and so many other supplies that I did not need for the first grade. But I wanted to be just like my sister! But having all of these supplies made me want to do well in school. You inspired me to reach my goals. And I am still making sure that I reach my goals now.

I remember whenever I got sick, you would babysit me while my parents were at work. And other times, you would drive yourself and Grandma to our place, to drop off homemade soup. Grandma would make the best chicken noodle soup, and turkey soup. She would make us whatever she had on hand at the time. I always felt so blessed.

I remember the one time I was at your cottage, and I had lost my first tooth, since you told me that eating some celery would help it come out. Your idea totally worked! Although after I lost my tooth, I got all worried, because I didn’t think that the Tooth Fairy would be able to find me so far away from home. You had helped me calm down, when you explained that the Tooth Fairy will still be able to find me. She did indeed.

I remember when we were about to head out for the cottage, but Great Auntie (his sister-in-law) had called Grandma. Those two loved to talked to each other. While we waited for their conversation to end, you taught me how to tie my shoes. It made me so happy! I remember getting to tell Grandma all about it once she got off of the phone.

I always remember going to your house a lot of the time, because you and Grandma would have invited us over for roast beef, mashed potatoes (which are my favourite) carrots, and corn. And we would always end the night with us dancing together. You would place my feet on top of yours, and we would hold hands while we swayed across the floor in the foyer. We would always Dance it Out!

I was always at your house so much, it was basically a second home away from home. From the countless sleepovers, to our weekly dinners, I was always visiting you! We also watched Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy! and whatever sport game was on afterwards, whether it was football, or your favourite the New York Rangers, we always had a fun time.

I remember that one sleepover at your house, during the Easter long weekend. We had our family dinner on the Saturday night, and then I spent the night with my auntie, my uncle, and my two cousins after everyone else had left. The three of us woke up to an Easter Scavenger Hunt for chocolate eggs the next morning. You were helping me the most try to find the eggs! And all of those other weekend sleepovers at my auntie and uncle’s house. Especially since they lived so far away from us, so the road trips were also fun, too! Those were the best.

We also had so many sleepovers with my sister, which were always so much fun. Especially when it was during the winter time, you would drive us around the neighbourhood and look at all of the Christmas lights.

I loved how I was fortunate enough to celebrate our birthdays together since our birthdays were ten days apart. It was always a wonderful celebration. Our names were both written on the cake for a lot of our birthdays. That always made me smile.

Another dear memory of mine that I have of you, is that when I was in the hospital in the fifth grade, you and Grandma came to the hospital and visited me every day! I am always thankful for your company. And most days you came over with presents, to help me feel more comfortable.

Because of all of the cups of tea we have shared together, I have become obsessed with tea. And now I will always think of you whenever I have a cup of tea. You always made the best cup of tea ever! You showed me a love for puzzles like Sudoku, and word searches, bowling, and dressing up.

I will always remember you by looking so dapper. You always had your hair combed really nicely. You even kept a comb in your back pocket. You would even wear a suit and a jacket, despite us just having brunch together at a restaurant. I remember all of my uncles telling you that you didn’t have to wear a suit for a brunch. You would reply with that you wanted to. The only time I really saw you dress casually was when I saw you on Fridays for our weekly dinners, and whenever we went to the beach

Of course, I can go on and on with even more of the memories we have shared together, because you truly have given me a lifetime of memories, that I will cherish forever.

You passed down so much of your wisdom, and compassion onto me. You have taught me valuable lessons throughout my life. You showed me the importance of helping out others, and being kind to others. You taught me what it means to truly love someone, and how to be family-oriented.

Thank you for telling me all of these stories about my great aunties, and uncles, and great grandparents, and the stories about you and Grandma, and how you two met. I have always admired your love story with Grandma, it’s like a fairy tale. They were married for 68 years, and have been together for almost 71 years. Growing up I had wished that I would have an amazing love story like you two. And lucky for me, I met my Prince Charming on the day of your wedding anniversary. I took that as a sign from the universe!

Growing up you were always the first person I told good news to. You always believed in me. You have helped shape me into who I am as a person. You have inspired me, and strengthened me over the years.

Thank you for all that you have done for me, and for our family. You taught me that it is important to make compromises for our family. I am grateful that you took us to see my Great Auntie. We always played cards, and other games with my Great Auntie. She always would make us her delicious fudge. We visited her a lot with my Grandparents because she was lonely since her husband passed away not too long ago. She was always such a nice lady. She’s another Gemini that I hold dear to my heart!

I am going to miss you so much. But I know that as long as I keep you in my heart, you are never really gone. You will forever be a part of us. I know that I can be sad all I want to be, but I can also be happy for you that you can see all of your siblings, and all of the other amazing people that have passed on before you. Please tell Great Auntie, that I say hello, and that I miss her, too. I hope you are enjoying her homemade fudge and Shortbread cookies. I also hope that you are playing Jeopardy! with Alex Trebek.

I had a 30 second dance party on the night you had passed because that is how we finish! I love you more than words would be able to explain my love for you. Please continue to send me your support, and your love for me. And be sure to send me any pieces of advice and guidance whenever you may think I need any. You will be missed dearly. I love you with all of my heart. Until we meet again… xoxo

Since you always inspired me to chase after my dreams, and I will be honouring you by writing a book about you, and all of the memories we have shared. I will keep everyone posted with the writing. I will love to start getting back into writing again. Writing has always made me so happy.

I feel like this is what you have been sending me, that you would want me to continue to live my life, and to reach my goals. You would want me to be happy, and to remember all of the times we have shared.

Thank you for everything that you have ever done for me. It means so much!

For my followers, thank you so much for your love and patience during this time. I appreciate all of the likes and support that you have been giving me. It truly means the world to me.

Day 64

On Friday, it felt like my world shattered. It really reminded me that; “Life turns on a dime.” -Stephen King,

“Life turns on a dime. Sometimes towards us, but more often it spins away, flirting and flashing as it goes: so long, honey, it was good while it lasted, wasn’t it?”

-Stephen King, 11/22/63

I received a message from my Dad that my Grandpa (his Dad) was rushed to the hospital since he has the pneumonia. I was crying because I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him. Out of all of my Grandparents, he was the one I was closest with. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to live in a world that he doesn’t exist anymore.

I thought back to all of the memories we have shared. And now I just pray and hope that he can get better. Where he lives he isn’t allowed to have any visitors or leave to visit others. So I haven’t seen him in a year, which is obviously the longest I have ever gone without seeing him. So I would call every little while to keep him company. I just would love to talk to him a couple more times.

At the same time, I feel fortunate enough to have had my Grandpa in my life this long. I am almost 27 years old, that makes me feel really lucky.

Today, I will soak in and relish all of the good memories I have. You never know when things in your life can change. Enjoy the goodness in your life. Use them as a reflection for when things go in life. Surround yourself with people who you love, and love you. They are what you need to overcome anything bad. Remember to always live your life to the fullest. Enjoy the company, and enjoy the ride.