Day 37

So, today brought me some challenges. My boyfriend and I have been facing disagreements, as of lately. Which has been allowing me to focus on how to fight right with someone, which is one of my resolutions for February. There are several ways where arguments can cause even more trouble than what you two, or however many people are involved in the situation, worse than what the disagreement was.

For one, heated arguments make people say things they don’t mean. Although they shouldn’t use the argument as an excuse. But it does happen from time to time. When this happens, the person who was just called a bad name, may excuse themselves from the argument, and may take longer to heal from this argument.

One way to solve this situation, is to calmly let the person you are mad or in a disagreement know how you feel. Use “I feel” statements. Give them to time to process what you are feeling. You can bring to talk about the situation, or you can ever write a letter about what you are feeling. That way you will refrain yourself from saying something hurtful. The extra time it takes you to write a letter, the more time it will give you reflect on what you are currently fighting about.

When you have explained what and why you are feeling a certain, give the letter to the person you are having a disagreement with. Let them read and write up an apology and next steps to ensure the same thing doesn’t happen again.

Today, I will realize that there are several ways to end a conflict, while trying not to be rude to the person I am fighting with. May this disagreement bring us closer together by letting us see where things went wrong, so we can work together to repair it.

Fight Right

Whenever you get in an argument with someone dear, instead of bickering and yelling at them, or playing the blame game, perhaps you should try to write them a letter.

When you are writing this letter, be sure to include the following statements, such as, “I feel _______, when you do _______”. And be sure to refrain from my using vulgar language, name calling, or anything else that is negative and uncalled for.

You begin to write about what you are angry, or upset you are, and what caused you to feel these emotions. The person that you are having this disagreement with, is to just sit there waiting for your letter.

Once you have finished writing your letter, you then hand it to the person you are having this disagreement with. If you live together, you can just simply hand it to them. If they don’t live with you, you can safely deliver it yourself, or mail it depending on where they live.

The recipient now can respond to the letter, with what was written to them. They have the same rules where they are not allowed to call you names. They can discuss their feelings to you, and let you know where they are coming from.

Keep on writing until an agreement of how to do things differently, an apology.

The point of this exercise is to be more mindful of what exactly you are thinking. How many times has countless hours of arguing resulted in you saying something uncalled for and unnecessary that made the person you are arguing with feel even worse? This saves you from saying something hurtful, that you will regret later.

And perhaps you and your partner or who ever you are having this disagreement with aren’t the best with words, perhaps you are more artistic. By all means, you can draw a picture instead. And if you aren’t the best at either, perhaps you can find another way to express your feelings in a mindful way.

By finding healthier ways to express your feelings throughout a disagreement, it will save you and your partner a lot of heartache later.