Fear

The other night I was re-watching Prison Break. And one of the main characters said this interesting quote…

“When I was a child, I couldn’t fall asleep at night because I thought there was a monster in the closet. But my brother told me there isn’t anything there but fear. And fear wasn’t real. He said it was not made of anything. It was just air, air. Not even that. He said you just have to face it. You just have to open that door, and the monster would disappear.”

-Michael Scofield, Prison Break

What If?

As I was rereading all of my blog posts, I really liked Eckhart Tolle Fridays. So I am going to be doing this every Friday again.

To be honest, I have to pick up The Power of Now again. I know this time for real, I will finish it. It’s a really moving book at times. I get lost pondering what he has said. I also really want to finish it this book because a friend suggested it to me and I have his second book.

“Are you worried? Do yo have many ‘what if?’ thoughts? You are identified with your mind, which is projecting itself into an imaginary future situation and creating fear. There is no way that you can cope with such a situation, because it doesn’t exist. It’s a mental phantom. You can stop this health and life-corroding insanity simply by acknowledging the present moment. Become aware of your body. Feel your inner energy field. All that you ever have to deal with, cope with, in real life — as opposed to imaginary mind projections — is this moment. Ask yourself what ‘problem’ you have right now, not next year, tomorrow, or five minutes from now. What is wrong with this moment? You can always cope with the Now, but you can never cope with the future —- nor do you have to. The answer, the strength, the right action or the resource will be there when you need it, not before, not after.”

-Eckhart Tolle

I love this quote because it reminds us that we shouldn’t be anxious our future and that we don’t have to look at our past with shame. But he is encouraging us to stay in the present, because that’s all that we have.

Second Chance

*Warning* This blog post may be graphic for some.

About six months ago, my boyfriend was walking me to work. During that time it was our winter, so I had slipped and fallen on some ice on my right thigh. It hurt a bit, but I shook it off as I had ways to go. That whole morning, even getting ready for work felt like an off day for me. I wasn’t in the best mood. To be honest, I was feeling a bit discouraged that day.

We were almost at my work, when the light had turned green – our right away. And because I was angry that day, I was walking fast, faster than my boyfriend, and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground. I had just gotten hit by a car that was turning left and he ran right into me. I was too busy thinking in my head to hear the car turning. My boyfriend tried his best to grab me and pull me out of the way. He felt me slip out of his arms.

I was crying, but I was strong enough to stand up afterwards. My mind has never let me remember the actual feeling of getting hit by the car. Which I am so thankful for. It really was scary. I just remember the feeling pain on my face and on my right thigh, (it didn’t help that I had previously fallen on it, 20 minutes prior) which is what had hit the car. I also remember being scared to touch my face and thigh in fears of feeling broken bones. After I had placed my hands over those body parts, I just felt the skin being swollen, nothing was broken, although I don’t have a M.D. so I couldn’t be 100% certain.

My boyfriend took me over to a side walk where he took his coat off and used that as a cushion for me to sit down on. Then a familiar customer approached me asking me if I was okay, because I assumed not a lot of time has passed by, so she must have saw the accident. She was nice enough to call for help on my behalf. I told her that I worked at the coffee shop just up the street, where she was heading. She had spoke to the manager explaining the situation to my manager. My manager came out and saw me and gave me a hug.

I just remembered looking at the car and seeing his side mirror hanging off over his door handle.

Not much time after that, help has showed up. We both gave the police our statements. We then went to a hospital to get looked at to make sure that I was okay. After a doctor had examined me, she told me that I was lucky. Nothing was broken, just bruises and a bit of swelling.

It was in those moments that I truly was lucky. I could have died, but the universe told me that my purpose and story wasn’t over. The universe knew that I had more to offer and bring into this world. It made me feel that I was needed and people needed me too.

I was also reminded me that I should be chasing my own dreams and passions and not be persuaded by what others want me to be. I pursued accounting thinking that I would love it and be good at it. And also because people were encouraging telling me that I would be good at it, as well. But when I was studying it, I felt like my heart wasn’t it.

When they placed my hospital bracelet, I remembered the other times that I had to wear one in the past. Being in the hospital, made me feel like a patient in Grey’s Anatomy. It reminded when I was younger, I always wanted to be a nurse. I love helping people, I’m an optimistic and a caring person who has a lot of patience. To me, those are good qualities to have as a nurse. I know there are many other qualities to be a nurse, but those are the first ones that come to mind.

Later that night, because I had fallen and broke the concrete with my face. I ended up chipping one of my tooth, that I previously chipped two years ago, almost to the day. It was just not my day that day. I noticed because I was eating my dinner and a part of my filling came off. But I am thankful for all of the lessons it has taught me.

Although, to be honest I laid in bed for the next week or so. It wasn’t so much the aftermath of getting hit by the car that knocked me out, it was mostly the anxiety of having to go back out there. I also had a purple, dark blue bruise on my face, so that made me feel a bit self conscious. It was a very scary time for me. Fortunately, the bruise was a pale yellow greenish bruise by the time I returned to work. It reminded that everything is only temporary, this pain won’t last forever.

I just felt a lot of life changing moments during the whole incident. I felt like beforehand, I wasn’t in the best place, emotionally; I often felt like I wasn’t me. I felt like I had outgrew a lot of things, like I was hungry and wanting new and better things for myself. I wanted a new job, a new place to live. The whole incident taught me to not settle for things that made me unhappy, instead choose happiness.

It made me realize that I am stronger than I even realized. I am capable of making changes in my life. This incident made me count my blessings and to always be thankful no matter what happens to me. It was like this whole thing was a teaching moment. It reinforced everything that I preach in my blog, to be thankful, to never settle, to always believe in yourself and to overcome your anxieties and fears. I can really go and do anything I want to in my life.

Always live like it is your last day. Always tell your friends and family how much they mean to you. Don’t let the bad times bring you down, you can always stand up, no matter how hard the universe may bring you down. Use your troubles as stepping stones for something better.

I’m Back

Hi again!

I am so sorry for leaving. My last post for this blog was around this time four years ago. I am so happy to be back. I’ve missed everyone of you.

I went a long time without blogging because I forgot my password to log in with, and then I forgot my email password. But I had a couple of hunches of what my password could be, so I kept on trying them. And eventually I was able to log back!

I am beyond excited to be back and start again.

I am still with my boyfriend, we will be celebrating our fifth anniversary, next week. Although throughout the relationship we have had our ups and downs, like every relationship does so I am happy that we are standing beside each other now.

In the past four years, I’ve had several different jobs – at one point I was working three jobs at once. I see myself as a hustler. It wasn’t for a long time, as they were mostly just seasonal jobs. Each one of those jobs taught me something about myself. I am always grateful for every job I have had in my life. A lot of those jobs I had didn’t allow for much growth, (i.e. moving up the ladder), and I had already learned everything I needed to, so it was time to let go and move forward. Although I know some of those jobs were just seasonal, so I’m not really putting emphasis on those in particular. I have had jobs where I always put forth so much effort and often felt like it didn’t get enough recognition.

I have went to college for accounting, although I felt like I could have done better, but I often felt like my heart wasn’t in it some days. I wasn’t in the best environment per se to study and focus on my studies. I had a lot to deal with my grandparents’ health scares at the time. But now they are doing okay, which I am glad because I was worried about them.

My sister had her baby last year, I was so happy to meet my niece; she is gorgeous! I can tell she is going to grow up into a smart lady. I am so glad I get to see her, although I haven’t been able to see her much because the Coronavirus pandemic. We try our best to video chat ever so often.

20190324_143329

My boyfriend have moved out of his family’s house into his friend’s house. This is a step forward into moving out into a place we can call our own. We moved because we felt like we outgrew that place. And this allows us to save up more money for our future.

During this Coronavirus pandemic I have been learning a lot about myself. For instance, what I want, what I don’t want. It has given me a chance to really get to know myself. I know times are scary, but I know things will get better and easier. We just got to keep the faith and never lose hope. I have been using this time to take things slowly and to appreciate stillness more than I have before the pandemic started.

I can’t wait to reconnect with all of you. I am over the moon happy!

Feel free to comment your life changes (good and bad) in the comments. I can’t wait to read them all. xo ❤