We Run From Pain

“Something terrible happens, we blame ourselves, and we don’t want to feel it, so we run. We run from joy, too because we think we don’t deserve happiness. But it’s a package deal. There is no joy without pain.”

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

For some of you who are new my blog, one of my favourite shows is Grey’s Anatomy. I can binge watch that show for days on end. In fact, I have countless times.

As of lately I have been feeling sad. In fact, I’ve been mostly sad these days. I’ve been trying my best to cheer myself up.

This was a quote that Meredith says to Teddy about how Teddy is always running from her pain. And that when happy things happen to her, she feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Which I can 100% relate to. This year has been unbearable and challenging at times. I feel like I have been running away from my problems. But that is a never ending race. We will never be able to run away from our problems. They will keep on reappearing in our lives until we learn we are needed to learn in the first place. The problem with feelings is they demand to be felt.

I keep on reminding myself that there will come a time that the pain I had to encounter is going to transfer into something so beautiful and joyous. We just got to keep on believing in ourselves and we’ll see it for ourselves. Our battles and problems will turn us into warriors, we just can’t let them ruin us, or bring us down. If we let our situations belittle us, may we continue to raise to the occasion. Like my Grandpa always said; “Time waits for no one.”.

We think we don’t deserve happiness or joy, but we actually do deserve it. We work so hard, and feel like there isn’t time to truly experience bliss. We are too busy to let these positive emotions in. But we should really be setting aside time for happiness.

When we feel pain, just know that joy is soon to follow. We just have to trust the universe.

Let Go With Grace

I attended a meditative writing workshop a few years ago, and this is what I wrote. It was a small gathering of people where we began to listen to a guided meditation and we would have ten minutes to transfer our thoughts onto our journals. This was actually from five years ago, but I just came across this piece paper the other day. Our starting line for that night was “As I stepped onto the path…” Although I have slightly revised it a bit.

As I stepped onto the path I take a look back and see how far I’ve come and everything that has happened to me, the good, the bad, and the “not so pretty” times, I realized that everything happened for a reason. I learn just how grateful I am for everything. I remember my challenges that gave me the strength to conquer all that I need to in my journey. I trust the universe.

As I stepped onto the path, I I let go of fear of would, or will happen to me. Overthinking at its finest. I let go of the past for it has shaped me into who I am and who I am meant to be. I let go of all that no longer serves me or sparks joy. I let it all go. I let go with grace.

As I stepped onto the path I am lighter. I am free. I release all judgement from others, but more importantly from myself. I welcome joy and allow myself to do things that adds happiness. I become mindful and don’t fret about the past or the future. I stay present.

I keep on moving and welcome great things. As I step onto the path, I can invite new opportunities to better myself.

I no longer let other people judge me or belittle me. I am only trying my best. As I step on the path I know I can do anything I set my mind to. If something goes wrong, or if I stumble, I make it part of my dance and keep on travelling. I let go of what no longer serves me. I listen to the music in my heart, and keep on striving for many adventures on the horizon. As I step on the path, I let go with grace.

A Year in My Life

I wish I could say that this past year has been easy, but truthfully it has been the most extricating, difficult year that I had went through in a very long time. I have experience the loss of many things and people. My world fell apart like a supernova. It all began when my Grandpa passed away last March. His passing broke me, I remember spending days curled up in my bed, crying, and being sad for days on end. I have been replaying a lot of our memories in my head. I have a lot of pictures that I look at when I miss him.

He truly was an amazing person. Everyone loved him and he was everyone’s best friend. He is so missed, but he is forever in my heart. I think about him all of the time.

I had tried taking on a retail job. I have normally just done jobs in the food industry, so it was difficult in the beginning. After months, I have been managing just fine. I have worked a few retail jobs before, so I have been using the skills to my new job. I have actually met some really nice people there. It was a hard adjustment, but now I feel like I can get in the swing of things.

And then unfortunately I experienced another loss when my aunt passed away a few months ago. I miss her so much. I feel bad because I haven’t had many chances to see her recently since the whole covid situation. She passed away so unexpectedly. I always wished I was able to spend more time with her before she passed away. But unfortunately that is life. We all have one last day with everyone, we just never know when that might happen. That is why it is important to stay in touch with the people that matter the most. It should also reinforce us to be kind to each other, since we don’t know what our last words may be to someone.

And another loss that I faced last year, was when my boyfriend and I broke up. We still talk from time to time, we don’t hate each other. We are able to be civil about it.

So this explains why I haven’t been that active in the blog universe.

Although the one good thing about last year is that I was able to reconnect with one of my friends from many years ago. I am happy that the universe decided to bring someone that can bring joy in my life despite taking away people. That is the universe’s way of taking the good with the bad.

After all of the losses I had suffered last year, I truly hope that 2022 is the year for me. Things aren’t exactly perfect right now. But I pray for guidance, and for the strength to not allow myself to stay broken. I will try to rebuild myself so I can come back stronger than ever. My life has been so messy and complicated right now, but what matters is how I rebuild myself after these losses. I have big goals for myself. I am excited for all of the things I have planned to do this year. Of course, I would be documenting my goals and dreams on my blog. I do wish to blog more again.

I truly miss all of you. I hope everyone has been doing well. I appreciate any words of feedback, love and prayers. I will try to get back to everyone who comments. Thank you again for understanding.

Minimalist Game Day 22

I have gotten rid of 213 items this month. I feel proud about myself, not to mention lighter. I also got rid of 192 items last year. Between these two declutter missions, I have eliminated 405 items from my life. It feels amazing. I’m sure there may be more things that I can get rid of, but as of right now, I feel content with the things I have.

For those that wish to partake… I would love to see you document your journey. Tag me in your post(s)!

The rules are simple, you get rid of things from your life, either by selling them, throwing them away, or donating them. On the first day, you remove one item, and then on the second day, you remove two items, you keep on playing until it’s the end of the month, or whenever you run out of things to remove from your life. It is okay if you can’t make it until the end of the month. Personally, I would rather see items get donated, or sold to someone else. If you must throw something away, I hope it’s because it isn’t fixable. Even if you have removed three items from your life, you should still be proud of that, because it is three more things you removed before the challenge. But if you are able to complete this challenge, you would have gotten rid of almost 500 items! That’s a lot of stuff.

A Bend in the Road

I also post an inspirational quote to give you lots of motivation throughout the week.

This is from Monday March 22nd.

Photo Credit: Every Power Blog

I love this quote because it is a reminder that in order for us to accomplish our goals, we get on going, even during the hardships we may encounter along the way.

Broken & Beautiful by Kelly Clarkson

Every week, as part of Music Mondays, I post a positive song to kick start the week! This week is Broken & Beautiful by Kelly Clarkson. I grew up loving Kelly Clarkson. I first saw Kelly Clarkson on American Idol, and I admired all of her songs since then.

She just recently went through a divorce. This is her anthem saying that our hardships can break us down, but that’s okay, because we are broken, but we are still beautiful, and that is what counts. Being broken doesn’t mean anything bad, it talks about how we can overcome these hardships, and come back even stronger.

“I don’t need you to lower the bar for me
I know I’m Superwoman, I know I’m strong
I know I’ve got this ’cause I’ve had it all along
I’m phenomenal and I’m enough
I don’t need you to tell me who to be”

-Kelly Clarkson

Day 81

Hey everyone! I’m just trying to catch up with everything! I’ve missed everyone, and I hope that everyone is doing well.

Every day (or at least) I’m trying to get back into the habit of writing a lesson or something that I have learned and share my wisdom with everyone. I often feel like I have encountered a lot of wisdom from various people and experiences throughout my life.

This is from Monday March 22nd.

Something that I have learned, the hard way, may I add… Is that everything in life is only temporary. So if you are going through hard times today, don’t be so hard on yourself. It just means that things can only go up from here, and things won’t always be this way forever. And unfortunately, when things are going really well, enjoy it, because not everything can last forever. Alas this doesn’t just imply for the events in our lives, it also works for our loved ones. Lots of people will come and go throughout our lives. Whether they move away, or pass away, we must not take them for granted. Instead we should learn to cherish these moments shared with your family and friends.

Today, I will realize that everything in life is only temporary. So I shouldn’t get too angry or upset when I am going through hardships, because nothing lasts forever. And I must remember to pause and reflect on the good times, too, because alas, everything in life is temporary, and things can change on a dime. I should enjoy the good times, and learn from the bad times and the lessons they teach me.

Minimalist Game Day 21

The rules are simple, you get rid of things from your life, either by selling them, throwing them away, or donating them. On the first day, you remove one item, and then on the second day, you remove two items, you keep on playing until it’s the end of the month, or whenever you run out of things to remove from your life. It is okay if you can’t make it until the end of the month. Personally, I would rather see items get donated, or sold to someone else. If you must throw something away, I hope it’s because it isn’t fixable. Even if you have removed three items from your life, you should still be proud of that, because it is three more things you removed before the challenge. But if you are able to complete this challenge, you would have gotten rid of almost 500 items! That’s a lot of stuff.

This is from Sunday March 21st.

Ten old and expired body lotions.
Empty tea tins.

Not photographed
1 colouring book for my niece’s birthday
1 shirt and 1 pair of pants for my niece’s birthday

Day 80

This lesson is from Sunday March 21st.

Something that is important to me, is to make sure I keep my promises to people, but also to myself as well. This life lesson was reinforced to me at my Grandpa’s epilogue. He has made an importance that we kept our promises. There are things that I have promised myself. I have goals and dreams that I would love to achieve. I don’t want to let myself down, so I am continuing to work hard to ensure that I achieve all of the goals I have for myself.

I hope that there are promises that you are able to keep to yourself and other people, too. It’s important to show that you take accountability for your actions. It shows that you are responsible and credible. It is an important skill to have as an employee, friend, and a family member.

Today, I will try my best to show that I am accountable by keeping my promises to everyone, and to myself. It is important that I don’t let anyone down by not staying true to my word.

Minimalist Game Day 20

The rules are simple, you get rid of things from your life, either by selling them, throwing them away, or donating them. On the first day, you remove one item, and then on the second day, you remove two items, you keep on playing until it’s the end of the month, or whenever you run out of things to remove from your life. It is okay if you can’t make it until the end of the month. Personally, I would rather see items get donated, or sold to someone else. If you must throw something away, I hope it’s because it isn’t fixable. Even if you have removed three items from your life, you should still be proud of that, because it is three more things you removed before the challenge. But if you are able to complete this challenge, you would have gotten rid of almost 500 items! That’s a lot of stuff.

This is from Saturday March 20th.

This is an old pair of yoga pants that I no longer use. I’m happy to give these to my Grandma, so she can give them to one of her neighbours.
Another pair of yoga pants.
Old tea tins, that I finished up.
Another pair of yoga pants.
Two old and probably expired hair products.
Two body sprays that I am going to give my cousin because I don’t use these anymore.
I finished this bubble bath product, so I can recycle it. A new lip balm that I do not need.
Two old and dirty coasters. My cousin gave me new ones for Christmas, so my boyfriend and I can let these ones go.
An old day planner, and a calendar from last year that I no longer need.

Not photographed
3 bags of tea that I consumed